Saturday, April 11, 2020

My Life Dairy

Date - 11april 20

Kal evening se aaj k din tak mind kaafi unstable raha. Khud ko ese react karte dekha jese ki main esi  puppet ban gyi hun jisme gambheeta aur samajh hai hi nahi aur ko sirf negatively react karna jaanta hai har ek baat par. Jab insaan bas vo karta jata hai jo uske dil me aata hai to insan kahi ka nahi rehta. Dil ki sunte sunte duniya enjoy karne lagi aur enjoy karte karte kab annoy hone lgi pta hi nahi chala. 

Kal raat jab sone ki koshish kar rhi thi to dil me esa aaya ki shayad inlaws meri burayi kar rhe hain aur dil ne esko satya ghoshit kiya es basis par ki esse pehle jab mummy wala sapna dekhti thi ki mere liye vo kharab bol rhi hai to vo sach hua tha. Aur main bhi es dil ki baaton me aakar attentive ho gyi ki ese kese ye log meri burayi bhi karenge aur mera use bhi karenge. Baat galat nahi thi ye meri lekin jis base pe maine esa react kiya vo galat tha. Aur es chakkar me main bhool hi gyi ki maine life k liye kya usool bnaye hain- kisi k liye bura na bolna na sochna, har jagah sirf pyar delana hai nafrat nahi. Fir behan ka msg aaya tha to uspe bhi react kiya badly ki tumlog nahi chahiye ab meri life me aur eska reason bhi dil ne bataya ki aajtak main unke liye sochti rahi fikra karti rahi ab nahi- ye baat alag hai ki family k kisi bhi members k liye sochkar ya unko apna kuch waqt dekar kisi pe ehsan nahi kar rhi ,kisi ne bulaya nahi mekko ki aao Mahaan bano. Lekin ye jo common people hote hain unki life me koi rules nahi koi usool nahi hota aur mera behaviour bhi unhi ki tareh ho gya tha kal se. Itni baar react kar rahi thi chilla kar reply de rahi thi aur esa dikha rahi thi ki mere sath galat kar rhe hain ye log aur eski wajeh se hyper ho rahi thi main. Dopahar ko husband ne masti me bottle se halke se mara to main out of control hi ho gyi aur dil me esa aaya ki ya to khud ko kuch kar dun ya undono me se kisi ko tabhi ye log pareshan karna chodenge ---- and this was the worst thing. Thodi der baad jab ehsaas hua ki ye kyu aaya dil me kyunki ye har tareh se sirf wrong tha. 

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